January 18, 2012
The boy who cried ‘Kepler 35b’ - NASA hasn’t discovered a new planet in decades. CAPE CANAVERAL—Following a long and largely mysterious career, a recently retired NASA astronomer has revealed that the administration hasn’t actually observed a new planet in decades. “Everyone thinks we have all of this incredible technology that allows us to see the ends of the universe. We really don’t,” the source confided. Following the discovery of the dwarf planet Pluto in 1930, NASA hit a dry spell that hasn’t let up since. Desperate to keep their generous government salaries, the administration decided to train its high-powered telescopes on a different universe - the imagination. “We realized that any decent artist could render a planet that looked alien,” the source wrote in a follow-up letter. “Once we hooked up with George Lucas’s people in the 70’s, we were in the clear.” Until recently, when an artist dreamed up a scene that recalled that of Luke Skywalker’s home planet of Tatooine a little too well. “We told them again and again: Don’t give a planet two stars. They’ll find out,” he ranted. “When the story broke, I knew the fun was over.” Since the whistleblower’s remarks went public, NASA has all but collapsed completely. However, the recent publication of 100+ ‘How to Draw Planets’ books suggests its former employees have already moved on. Original news story: http://www.nytimes.com/2012/01/17/science/scientists-find-more-planets-orbiting-two-stars.html?ref=science

The boy who cried ‘Kepler 35b’ - NASA hasn’t discovered a new planet in decades.

CAPE CANAVERAL—Following a long and largely mysterious career, a recently retired NASA astronomer has revealed that the administration hasn’t actually observed a new planet in decades. “Everyone thinks we have all of this incredible technology that allows us to see the ends of the universe. We really don’t,” the source confided. Following the discovery of the dwarf planet Pluto in 1930, NASA hit a dry spell that hasn’t let up since. Desperate to keep their generous government salaries, the administration decided to train its high-powered telescopes on a different universe - the imagination.

“We realized that any decent artist could render a planet that looked alien,” the source wrote in a follow-up letter. “Once we hooked up with George Lucas’s people in the 70’s, we were in the clear.” Until recently, when an artist dreamed up a scene that recalled that of Luke Skywalker’s home planet of Tatooine a little too well. “We told them again and again: Don’t give a planet two stars. They’ll find out,” he ranted. “When the story broke, I knew the fun was over.” Since the whistleblower’s remarks went public, NASA has all but collapsed completely. However, the recent publication of 100+ ‘How to Draw Planets’ books suggests its former employees have already moved on.

Original news story:

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/01/17/science/scientists-find-more-planets-orbiting-two-stars.html?ref=science

2:38pm  |   URL: http://tmblr.co/Z69FBwEzz0H3
(Notes: 8)
  
  1. prettygreenbudallinmyblood reblogged this from summits and added:
    Wow. Seriously? Fuck that. Fuck America.
  2. summits reblogged this from oppositeofnews and added:
    Hahahaha. AMERICA IS #1
  3. oppositeofnews posted this