January 20, 2012
New definition of disease will leave all of humanity ‘healed,’ study says. ATLANTA—Following countless millennia of pain and suffering, the Center for Disease Control has officially adjusted its definition of what a disease is, leaving all of humanity healed. “It’s just much easier to tell a patient, ‘You don’t have anything; you’re free to go home.’ We found that families handle it a lot better,” a spokesman for the CDC disclosed in an email to Opposite of News. Hospitals once used to diagnose and treat patients will now become full-time sets for films about the time in history when disease existed. “It’s a dream come true for doctors like me,” an anonymous oncologist told us in a private interview. “To be able to say, ‘no, you don’t have cancer’ to every patient that walks through your door… what a win for modern medicine.” Because it was only the definition of disease that changed, doctors say most, if not all of the previously diseased will continue to suffer the exact same symptoms. “We’re not miracle workers or anything.” Original news story:  http://www.nytimes.com/2012/01/20/health/research/new-autism-definition-would-exclude-many-study-suggests.html?ref=science

New definition of disease will leave all of humanity ‘healed,’ study says.

ATLANTA—Following countless millennia of pain and suffering, the Center for Disease Control has officially adjusted its definition of what a disease is, leaving all of humanity healed. “It’s just much easier to tell a patient, ‘You don’t have anything; you’re free to go home.’ We found that families handle it a lot better,” a spokesman for the CDC disclosed in an email to Opposite of News. Hospitals once used to diagnose and treat patients will now become full-time sets for films about the time in history when disease existed.

“It’s a dream come true for doctors like me,” an anonymous oncologist told us in a private interview. “To be able to say, ‘no, you don’t have cancer’ to every patient that walks through your door… what a win for modern medicine.” Because it was only the definition of disease that changed, doctors say most, if not all of the previously diseased will continue to suffer the exact same symptoms. “We’re not miracle workers or anything.”

Original news story: 

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/01/20/health/research/new-autism-definition-would-exclude-many-study-suggests.html?ref=science

11:35pm  |   URL: http://tmblr.co/Z69FBwF5EyBI
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