January 25, 2012
Somali rebels in talks with Disney to open pirate-themed park in eastern Africa. MOGADISHU—In an effort to curb extreme violence and frequent kidnappings in the African state of Somalia, The Walt Disney Company has pitched a multi-million dollar deal for a theme park starring the embattled republic’s growing pirate population. “We want to flip the equation entirely,” a spokesman for Disney explained in a press release. “Instead of paying the pirates to get our people back, we’ll pay them to take our people in.” The Somali Experience will allow children to get a first hand look at the life of a kidnapped US national, minus the unspeakable conditions and physical mutilation.  “Where pirates once severed the arms of their hostages, they’ll now offer marble birthday cake and silly songs,” the spokesman continued. The park will open in early 2013, giving the pirates a ‘fair’ amount of time to collect ransoms for 2012 hostages, or dispose of them. “We’re entering a new phase of relationship building with our enemies,” white house press secretary Jay Carney laid out in a televised statement. “If everyone’s a gimmick, no one’s a threat.” To avoid potential violent confrontation, the families of current and former Navy SEALs will be banned from the park. A request for comment from the Somali government was not entertained, because there is no Somali government.  Source: Opposite Of News. Original news story: http://www.nytimes.com/2012/01/26/world/africa/us-raid-frees-2-hostages-from-somali-pirates.html

Somali rebels in talks with Disney to open pirate-themed park in eastern Africa.

MOGADISHU—In an effort to curb extreme violence and frequent kidnappings in the African state of Somalia, The Walt Disney Company has pitched a multi-million dollar deal for a theme park starring the embattled republic’s growing pirate population. “We want to flip the equation entirely,” a spokesman for Disney explained in a press release. “Instead of paying the pirates to get our people back, we’ll pay them to take our people in.” The Somali Experience will allow children to get a first hand look at the life of a kidnapped US national, minus the unspeakable conditions and physical mutilation. 

“Where pirates once severed the arms of their hostages, they’ll now offer marble birthday cake and silly songs,” the spokesman continued. The park will open in early 2013, giving the pirates a ‘fair’ amount of time to collect ransoms for 2012 hostages, or dispose of them. “We’re entering a new phase of relationship building with our enemies,” white house press secretary Jay Carney laid out in a televised statement. “If everyone’s a gimmick, no one’s a threat.” To avoid potential violent confrontation, the families of current and former Navy SEALs will be banned from the park. A request for comment from the Somali government was not entertained, because there is no Somali government. 

Source: Opposite Of News.

Original news story:

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/01/26/world/africa/us-raid-frees-2-hostages-from-somali-pirates.html

12:42pm  |   URL: http://tmblr.co/Z69FBwFLh2Wj
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  1. contrivedandpretentious reblogged this from logicallypositive
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  3. logicallypositive reblogged this from oppositeofnews and added:
    this really serious??? this sounds like an Onion article
  4. oppositeofnews posted this