January 31, 2012
Price hike of soup, salad, & breadsticks deal at Olive Garden tops U.S. Intel’s ‘Greatest Threats of 2012’ list. WASHINGTON DC—In a special session before the Senate Select Committee today, National Director of Intelligence presented a list of the greatest threats the American people face moving forward in 2012. Among more obvious items like Iran, North Korea, and the Taliban, the director turned heads when he named a potential price hike of Olive Garden’s iconic ‘soup, salad, and breadsticks’ deal as the list’s chart topper. “Frankly, our problems with Iran and Korea are old news,” the director explained. “The rising costs of burned bread, salty soup stock, and low quality greens, however, are not,” he continued. “Our nation is about to be sideswiped.” According to the full report, the deal’s eternally gratifying $6.95 price tag could spike to $7.49 or more in the coming months. Longtime Olive Garden advocates are mortified. “I guess it’s Barilla pasta for the rest of eternity,” a well-nourished woman told us in a street interview. “There goes my relationship with the kids.” A spokesman for Olive Garden defended the company’s decision in a statement to a single local reporter. “A lot of you have been enjoying this deal a little too much, anyway,” he quipped. “Trust us, we’re doing this for you.” Customer return rates are expected to dip as low as 0% as the restaurant’s only redeeming asset disappears. Source: Opposite Of News. Original news story: http://abcnews.go.com/Blotter/us-intel-head-james-clapper-worldwide-threats-2012/story?id=15479381

Price hike of soup, salad, & breadsticks deal at Olive Garden tops U.S. Intel’s ‘Greatest Threats of 2012’ list.

WASHINGTON DC—In a special session before the Senate Select Committee today, National Director of Intelligence presented a list of the greatest threats the American people face moving forward in 2012. Among more obvious items like Iran, North Korea, and the Taliban, the director turned heads when he named a potential price hike of Olive Garden’s iconic ‘soup, salad, and breadsticks’ deal as the list’s chart topper. “Frankly, our problems with Iran and Korea are old news,” the director explained. “The rising costs of burned bread, salty soup stock, and low quality greens, however, are not,” he continued. “Our nation is about to be sideswiped.”

According to the full report, the deal’s eternally gratifying $6.95 price tag could spike to $7.49 or more in the coming months. Longtime Olive Garden advocates are mortified. “I guess it’s Barilla pasta for the rest of eternity,” a well-nourished woman told us in a street interview. “There goes my relationship with the kids.” A spokesman for Olive Garden defended the company’s decision in a statement to a single local reporter. “A lot of you have been enjoying this deal a little too much, anyway,” he quipped. “Trust us, we’re doing this for you.” Customer return rates are expected to dip as low as 0% as the restaurant’s only redeeming asset disappears.

Source: Opposite Of News.

Original news story:

http://abcnews.go.com/Blotter/us-intel-head-james-clapper-worldwide-threats-2012/story?id=15479381


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