February 5, 2012
Report: U.S. troops in Afghanistan stripped of citizenship, asked to settle down permanently in desert. KABUL—After a grueling 11 years of fighting in the impossibly dry landscapes of Afghanistan, defense secretary Leon Panetta announced today that all soldiers serving in the embattled Middle Eastern nation will be stripped of their American citizenship and asked to settle down. “There’s just no reason for them to leave at this point. They’ve spent most of their lives there. How could we ask them to leave?” she explained. According to the secretary’s plan, each soldier will be given one half acre of land in an inhospitable zone south of the Helmand Valley, and a goat. “Manifest destiny is back,” a spokesman for the white house said in a rousing address to the media. “It’s time to celebrate our roots.” A closer look at the controversial plan revealed that all soldiers will be denied re-entry to the United States for any reason, for fear that they’ll want to stay. “We can’t thank the families of our troops enough for the sacrifices they’ve made, and continue to make. We’re going to give each of them a goat, too,” Panetta added. For the country of Afghanistan, the news is bittersweet. “I mean, we weren’t going to use that land, anyway,” one subsistence farmer wrote us in a letter. “Nothing can survive there. So, I guess it’s fine.” Ex-American soldiers will receive two hours of training in well drilling, though little water is expected to be found in such a miserably harsh place. Source: Opposite Of News. Original news story: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/02/01/afghanistan-war-panetta_n_1247910.html

Report: U.S. troops in Afghanistan stripped of citizenship, asked to settle down permanently in desert.

KABUL—After a grueling 11 years of fighting in the impossibly dry landscapes of Afghanistan, defense secretary Leon Panetta announced today that all soldiers serving in the embattled Middle Eastern nation will be stripped of their American citizenship and asked to settle down. “There’s just no reason for them to leave at this point. They’ve spent most of their lives there. How could we ask them to leave?” she explained. According to the secretary’s plan, each soldier will be given one half acre of land in an inhospitable zone south of the Helmand Valley, and a goat. “Manifest destiny is back,” a spokesman for the white house said in a rousing address to the media. “It’s time to celebrate our roots.”

A closer look at the controversial plan revealed that all soldiers will be denied re-entry to the United States for any reason, for fear that they’ll want to stay. “We can’t thank the families of our troops enough for the sacrifices they’ve made, and continue to make. We’re going to give each of them a goat, too,” Panetta added. For the country of Afghanistan, the news is bittersweet. “I mean, we weren’t going to use that land, anyway,” one subsistence farmer wrote us in a letter. “Nothing can survive there. So, I guess it’s fine.” Ex-American soldiers will receive two hours of training in well drilling, though little water is expected to be found in such a miserably harsh place.

Source: Opposite Of News.

Original news story:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/02/01/afghanistan-war-panetta_n_1247910.html


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  1. oppositeofnews posted this