February 10, 2012
U.S to build hundreds of Denny’s locations in Syria, officials say. DAMASCUS—In response to increasing violence in Syria’s capital city of Damascus, U.S. officials announced  Monday that the construction of no less than 150 Denny’s restaurants throughout the country would begin immediately. “When American diplomats are faced with threats of homicidal violence within a hostile nation, you have two choices - run, or turn that country into America,” U.S. ambassador Robert Ford explained in a televised statement. “With Syria, we’ve decided to pursue the latter.” Championing 24-hour, edible meals and an environment that ‘welcomes people at their worst,’ Ford hopes to hit a grand slam in Syria with Denny’s, pun intended. “In America, kids have a place to spew their ignorant musings after a Plain White T’s concert,” Ford continued. “Syrian children ache for similar opportunities.” Citing lower levels of petty violence and loitering in cities and towns that offer a Denny’s, a spokesman for the restaurant chain praised government officials for approving the bid to build. “We’ve proved again and again that an ultimate omelette can fix just about anything,” she said in a statement. “The violence we’re seeing in Syria is nothing compared to some of the things midwestern children used to do before our diners arrived.” Following the announcement, the CDC announced the opening of several new poison control centers in Damascus to stymie increased demand for emergency services. Source: Opposite Of News. Original news story: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/02/06/us-embassy-syria-closed_n_1256940.html

U.S to build hundreds of Denny’s locations in Syria, officials say.

DAMASCUS—In response to increasing violence in Syria’s capital city of Damascus, U.S. officials announced  Monday that the construction of no less than 150 Denny’s restaurants throughout the country would begin immediately. “When American diplomats are faced with threats of homicidal violence within a hostile nation, you have two choices - run, or turn that country into America,” U.S. ambassador Robert Ford explained in a televised statement. “With Syria, we’ve decided to pursue the latter.” Championing 24-hour, edible meals and an environment that ‘welcomes people at their worst,’ Ford hopes to hit a grand slam in Syria with Denny’s, pun intended.

“In America, kids have a place to spew their ignorant musings after a Plain White T’s concert,” Ford continued. “Syrian children ache for similar opportunities.” Citing lower levels of petty violence and loitering in cities and towns that offer a Denny’s, a spokesman for the restaurant chain praised government officials for approving the bid to build. “We’ve proved again and again that an ultimate omelette can fix just about anything,” she said in a statement. “The violence we’re seeing in Syria is nothing compared to some of the things midwestern children used to do before our diners arrived.” Following the announcement, the CDC announced the opening of several new poison control centers in Damascus to stymie increased demand for emergency services.

Source: Opposite Of News.

Original news story:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/02/06/us-embassy-syria-closed_n_1256940.html

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