Breaking: Apple to abandon personal computer and smartphone markets, focus on small kitchen appliances.
CUPERTINO—In a surprise move that sent stocks plunging to record lows, Apple announced Monday that it would stop production of all personal computers and smartphones by early 2013. The technology giant will instead pursue the iPhone Stove, an unsightly single burner gas stove once written off as a Chinese impostor. “The iPhone Stove is very real,” a representative from Apple, Inc. revealed during a Skype call with Opposite of News. “In fact, we’ve wanted to be in the small kitchen appliances market for a long time. We just got sidetracked for a few decades.” According to a brief handed out following the announcement, the company will release a final line of iPhones, iPads and iMacs this summer.
After that, the world’s most valuable company will officially end its controversial labor deal with Chinese manufacturing mammoth FoxConn, and its entire product line along with it. “We hate to lay off so many underpaid Chinese workers,” a spokesman for Apple said in a public statement. “But it’s really not that hard to make $285 a month doing anything else - we think they’ll be fine.” Meanwhile, the company plans to expand its small appliances line by the year’s end with an “iPad Blender,” a device that may ship with an AMOLED digital clock readout, according to baseless speculation from the MacRumors community.
Source: Opposite of News
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